Ratings: PG-13 [for now]
Pairings/Characters: AoixSaga (mentioned briefly in this chapter), AoixKouyou, AkiraxKouyou(reference)
Synopsis: Everything seemed so different without Saga around. The colorful décor was nothing but a dark black, the once cream colored sofa gone. Call it a false hope, but Aoi still wished that Saga would walk through that door, and smile at him like he used too. The raven knew he wouldn’t, after all, he was the one that made him leave. He told him it was over for good, that he was tired and didn’t want to see his face again. Aoi knew that it was his own fault, and he could still remember the day he fucked everything up.
Comments: I couldn't think of a proper synopsis, because damn this story is complicated. For the most part, let me clear a few things up. First, I play Kouyou and Uruha in my fics as usually two different people. Uruha is the honey blonde, Kouyou with his sexy black hair. The reason I referred to his as Kouyou is because I'm playing him as Kouyou. With that out of the way, basically Aoi and Saga where lovers, and Aoi had a onenight stand with Kouyou. Akira and Saga are brothers, and Kouyou is their step-cousin. See the drama? What makes it worse is that Akira is in love with Kouyou, and because they're stepcousins and were raised like family, it causes controversy. Anyways, I hope people like this. Comments are appreciated. <3
The light shone brightly, peeking its way through the crack in the curtains. Aoi stirred as he pulled the covers over his head, body curling against the only source of heat beside him. Today was just like yesterday. He wasn’t here, the man he loved more than anything. He made a mistake, and because of it, he was paying dearly. Aoi wished he knew where it all went wrong. He wished he could go back to that night, that he didn’t go to the bar, or even worse, leave with the man that was sleeping so soundly next him. He hurt someone, and he wondered vaguely if the choice he made was really right.
No. It wasn’t. Saga wasn’t here, and the only proof he had of the other was a picture that was in frame above the fireplace mantle. It made the raven crawl from beneath the comforter to stagger towards the living room, so he could sit on the couch and stare at the photograph, and daydream about the times that were good. He didn’t even bother shaking the male that was laying in his bed as he moved in brisk manner towards the door, and shut the solid oak behind him before walking through the apartment.
Everything seemed so different without Saga around. The colorful décor was nothing but a dark black, the once cream colored sofa gone. Call it a false hope, but Aoi still wished that Saga would walk through that door, and smile at him like he used too. The raven knew he wouldn’t, after all, he was the one that made him leave. He told him it was over for good, that he was tired and didn’t want to see his face again. Aoi knew that it was his own fault, and he could still remember the day he fucked everything up.
“Yuu, why? Why him? Why Kouyou? He’s my cousin! Out of anyone you could have fucked, why did it have to be him?”
Aoi could still remember the look on the other’s face, the pure distain and anger that dripped in his voice when he scolded him. He knew he hurt Saga, and maybe that was the reason he didn’t beg him for forgiveness. Aoi knew he was a selfish bastard, but on the upside, at least he wasn’t alone. He had Kouyou, his one nightstand lying in the spot where Saga used to lay. It didn’t mean that he replaced the blonde, because no one ever could. But out of all the turmoil, Aoi didn’t have to suffer in his lonesome.
He took a seat on his old floral print couch, the one he used before Saga moved in. It was torn in a lot of places, but it had a sole comfort within its exterior. He stared up at the picture, and he could feel tears pricking from the corners of his eyes. “I miss you.” He whispered, wiping his eyes. “I miss you so much I can barely stand it.” It made Aoi wonder if it was all just a dream. Had Saga really been his lover? Maybe he could tell himself that Saga was just a part of his imagination. But every time he looked up, he could see that photo as evidence, the picture of them when they went on a trip to France. It was Saga’s homeland, and at the time, it was their three year anniversary. It made the raven sob thinking back on all the time the spent to together. God how he missed him. He would give anything to have the other back in his life.
It made going to work all the more harder. Aoi worked at a local music store only a few blocks from his apartment. Across the street, there was a family owned bookstore where his idol of affection worked, and knowing that he would have to face another day of seeing his ex-lover made his motivation little to none. In all honesty, it made him bitter. He watched Kouyou visit his cousin day in and day out, and it was the idea that was infuriating. Why wasn’t Saga mad at Kouyou? Why was it only him? It was unjust, and it made Aoi seethe just thinking about it. Was it really fair? Why did he have to separate himself from the other, but the man he so selfishly used to sate his loneliness got to see him daily? It made the raven lash out, and he threw the bottle of empty whiskey at the TV, causing the electrical appliance to spark in an uproar.
“This isn’t fair!” The raven cried, gripping his ebony locks out of fury. “Why not me? Why can’t it be me?!”
Aoi didn’t have time to trash the apartment, because before he had the chance to scatter the papers on the coffee table, Kouyou came rushing to his side.
“Baby! Calm down!” The other pleaded, grabbing the raven’s arm. “What’s wrong?”
Aoi glared as he pushed the raven away, eyes narrowed dangerously as he gripped the collar of his shirt. “You! You’re what’s wrong! Why isn’t Saga mad at you? What did I do to deserve this? It’s your fault! This is all your fault!”
“Yuu! Look at yourself! You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?!” It made Kouyou wrap his arms around the other, and he sobbed as he buried his face into the crook of his neck. “This isn’t my fault.” He whimpered. “You made the choice.”
The raven was trying to push the elder away, but every time he tried, he was over powered. He had to get away, and he growled as he pushed Kouyou into the wall. “Shut up! Just shut up!” He spat, not wanting to hear another word leave his lover’s lips. “It isn’t fair! I lost him! Why not you? Why isn’t he mad at you?”
“Because I’m not the one who told him to leave. I slept with you, but Saga was willing to look past it. You could have made it work, but instead you’re taking the cheap way out and pinning the blame on everyone but yourself!” Kouyou was furious by the other’s outburst, and he wouldn’t back down. “If Saga means so much to you, you wouldn’t be here whining about it! You fucked up, so you fix it!”
Aoi huffed as he pulled himself away, reaching for his keys before storming out the door. He had to get to work, but the only thing he could focus on was this argument. He knew he was being unfair, and that it was truly his own fault for losing his previous love. Maybe the reason he lashed out around Kouyou was because he knew the raven would stick around. He could batter Kouyou all he wanted, and in the end, he would still have him in his bed, loving him like nothing ever happened. Of course Aoi knew he was using Kouyou, however, he knew very well the other knew it too. It wasn’t love, it was just a one-sided relationship with the unavoidable fact that they would never be happy together. Not when Aoi had eyes only for Saga, and Kouyou for Aoi. It would end up in misery, but at the same time, neither could stop.
He took a deep breath as he walked down the street, and once he reached the music store, he glanced over to the book store to catch glimpse of the blonde. His entire body froze when he noticed Saga was looking directly at him, and for a moment, they locked eye contact. It felt surreal, but the look in the other’s eyes was enough to send Aoi mad. Saga had so much anger and sadness rolled into one, and in a split second, Saga turned away.
It killed Aoi to see Saga avoiding him like that, and in a way, he almost felt betrayed. Had what he done been that bad? Yes, he fucked him over. He made him pack up and leave. Aoi allowed his own selfishness to turn the one he loved most away, but with that thought, didn’t Saga care anymore? It was like Saga despised him, and it made the raven want to break down into tears. He loved Saga so much, and it made him go crazy just thinking that maybe things were really over for good.
The day seemed to go by agonizingly slow, and once Aoi was done, he gathered his things and began his walk home. He couldn’t get Saga’s face out of his head, and it made him nauseous just thinking about it. What if he were to apologize? If Saga really loved him, he would definitely give him a second chance. Wouldn’t he? It wasn’t like they couldn’t work past this. Saga told him that he loved him unconditionally, and if it were true, then they still had a chance. It was slim to none, but it was a risk Aoi was willing to take.
But first thing was first. He had to return to his apartment. He would have to face Kouyou, and apologize profusely for his actions. He was rather quiet when he walked through the door, and he was pleasantly surprised when there was a brand new TV in the place of the old one. It made Aoi feel guilty, having Kouyou purchase something so expensive. But when he saw the bedroom light on, he didn’t hesitate in paying his boyfriend a visit.
“Kouyou? Can I come in?” Aoi gently tapped on the door before walking in, and he smiled softly at the sight of the raven sprawled on the bed in nothing but one of his own t-shirts. “Raiding my drawers today?”
“No. Your shirts are just comfy.” The raven said with a giggle, crawling towards the edge of the bed. “Sit down.”
Aoi took a seat beside his lover, and he ruffled the other’s locks as he chuckled. “Is that so? Did you buy the TV?”
“Hell no. It was the fucking tooth fairy.” Kouyou said sarcastically, rolling his eyes but still smiling. “Yeah, I bought it. I wanted to make a peace offering.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” Aoi muttered. “I was just being a dick. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“Don’t be silly. You know I love you. You, and all your flaws.”
Aoi felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. He wished Saga was the one saying that. He really missed his voice. “Is that so?”
“Yep. Come on, Yuu. Lay down with me.” Kouyou rolled onto his back as he pulled the raven on top of him. He had a suggestive look in his eyes, and the facial expression soon followed. “Fuck me, Yuu.”
Aoi’s body tensed when he straddled the other. Everything seemed like it was going too fast. It was hard to get Saga out of his mind when he did stuff like this with Kouyou. Usually having a good fuck helped to clear his mind, but for some reason tonight was different.
“I really don’t think I’m up for it.” He whispered, running a hand through his hair. “I had a long day.”
“Then let me ease the tension.” Kouyou purred, tracing his fingers down the raven’s back. “I’ll make it all go away.”
It was a nice gesture, and Aoi really didn’t think much when he kissed the man beneath him. They had done this countless times over the past few months, but right now, it was bittersweet. Aoi didn’t want this, but at the same time, he wanted to forget.
It wasn’t long before things got heated, and Kouyou found himself withering beneath his lover. He loved when Aoi made love to him. He loved the feeling of Aoi’s skin against his, the sweet smell of his shampoo, or the musky scent of his cologne. There wasn’t a thing about Aoi he didn’t love, and in moments like this, it reminded him all the more as to why he cared. Aoi wasn’t like most guys. He had a short temper, but underneath he was caring and sweet, and he had a smile that could light up the entire city. Kouyou never felt as safe as he did as when he was in the raven’s arms, but something threw him off guard. Aoi didn’t penetrate him. In fact, Aoi wasn’t moving at all.
“Baby, what are you waiting for?” Kouyou frowned as he looked up into the raven’s eyes. He was surprised to see tears there, and it made him worry. “Yuu, what’s wrong?”
Aoi could feel the tears streaking down his cheeks, and he was violently shaking as he tried to breathe through sobs. “I..I…Saga…he…I…I don’t…”
“Yuu?” Kouyou was starting worry more and more. He pushed the other so they were sitting up, and cupped his cheek as he placed a kiss to his forehead. “Talk to me.”
“I-I can’t do this, Kouyou. I…I can’t.” Aoi cried as clung on to the raven. He really needed to find Saga, to talk to him, to have him hold him like he used to. He wasn’t sure how to say it, but when he felt Kouyou pull away, he was sure the other knew what he meant.
“I’ll leave you alone.” Kouyou said lowly. “I’m going for a walk.”
He didn’t waste any time when he pulled on a pair of jeans, and once he was fully clothed he walked out of the room. He wasn’t sure where to go, or who to talk to. But what he did know was that there was at least one person he could go to in times like these. He glanced at his phone, and his lips parted when he dialed a very, very familiar number. “Hey Akira? I need you to meet me somewhere.”
~ ~ ~
“You look like hell.” Akira was surprised when he received a call from his step cousin. It was rare for the other to call him, but he was more than happy to council him at a time like this. Their relationship had always been a good terms, so although they didn’t talk much, it didn’t change the fact that they had a mutual trust. It was just upsetting to see his loved one so distraught. He didn’t hesitate to meet him here at the coffee shop. You could say it was like habit. This was there safe haven, the place they could run to when things got bad. “What happened?”
“Yuu. He’s been getting distance lately.” Kouyou was a complete mess. His dark hair was in disarray, and his black eyeliner smeared. He looked like he was just beaten by someone in the mob.
“Do you want me to kick his ass?” It seemed Akira was joking by the tone he used, but he knew Kouyou knew better. Akira hated Aoi. He fucked over his step brother, and now his cousin. It was something the blonde saw as unacceptable. “What did that fucker do this time?”
“I think he’s finally lost it.” The raven whispered, running his finger along the rim of his cup. “He doesn’t want me anymore.”
“Well, you could always leave him and go for me?” Akira supplied sufficiently. “I mean, I’m way better than that asshole.”
“Akira, stop joking. This is serious.” Kouyou sighed as he pushed his cup away, bringing his arms to cross over the table to bury his face. He honestly didn’t understand why Akira made comments like that. They were stupid.
“Ouch. That hurts, Kouyou. What if I was being serious?” Akira would never admit it, but he really did love the raven. It was wrong, considering they were family and all. But he wouldn’t lie. He loved Kouyou, with all his heart.
“Then I’d slap you and tell you to get some therapy.” The raven replied. Kouyou was in no mood to joke. He loved Aoi, and right now he just needed some comfort. “Stop being a dick, and give me some real advice.”
Akira sighed as he reached for his steaming hot cup of coffee. There really wasn’t any advice he could give. Aoi had his own feelings, and if he really didn’t love Kouyou, then what could anyone really do about it? “Maybe you should give up on him. He’s not worth your time, Kouyou.”
“But I love him.” The raven sobbed. “Besides, you have no idea what it’s like.”
“What it’s like to what?” Akira questioned.
“Love someone who doesn’t feel the same.” Kouyou said bitterly.
“That’s unfair. You don’t know about my personal life.” Akira was beginning to grow irritated. How would Kouyou know what he felt? If only he knew his true feelings...god how he envied Aoi.
“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” Kouyou apologized, frowning at the other. “I didn’t mean it.”
“All I can say is that you need to really take things into consideration. You can’t make somebody love you, Kouyou. If Aoi’s heart is with Saga, then that’s where it’s going to stay. Why do you hurt yourself like this?” Akira really wished his cousin would open his eyes. He was really beginning to wonder just what kind of mind games Aoi was playing. “Look, why don’t you stay at my place for the night? It’ll give you some time to clear your head.”
Kouyou was a bit hesitant to leave with Akira. He wondered, no, hoped that Aoi was worried about his whereabouts. He didn’t want Aoi thinking he abandoned him, but the other part of him told him that maybe leaving for the night would be a good idea. He could take the time to think, and let Aoi cool off. “Okay. “ He said, rising from the booth. “I’ll stay with you.”
~ ~ ~
Aoi was alone. Kouyou had left him here to cry to himself. He wasn’t sure what to do, or who to go to. His cell phone was resting right beside him on the bed, and the only person he wanted to call was taunting him in his mind. He needed to hear Saga’s voice, and as much as he feared being rejected, he had to at least try.
He grabbed his mobile as he walked out of the bedroom, not bothering to shut the door behind him. He curled into a comfortable spot on the couch, and flipped through his contacts until the light gleamed blue over Saga’s name. He took a deep breath, and with a shaky hand, he hit “call”.
At first there was no answer. It seemed like an eternity, hearing the ringing over and over. He was about to hang up, but then he heard the other’s voice on the other line, and immediately Aoi’s heart began to race.
“Saga?” Aoi’s voice came out low and raspy, but he was thankful the other didn’t hang up. “Saga, I need to talk to you.”
“What? Yuu? What the hell are you calling for?” Saga said in an irritated tone. “You have no business calling me.”
“Please, please listen to what I have to say.” Aoi could hear his voice cracking as he spoke, and he was crying again. “Saga, I…I think I really fucked up.”
“Look, Yuu. I’m not going to have a pity party for you. I have shit to get done.”
“I…I miss you. I just wanted to call and say…” Aoi was beginning to grow tongue tied, and he was trying his best to control his sobs. “To..to say…”
“You miss me? Don’t make me laugh. You think just because you’re crying and lonely that you can call and I’m going to welcome you with open arms. It doesn’t work that way.”
“No, Saga I don’t think that! I…I just…there’s been something I’ve been wanting to tell you, and- “
“Tell me what? That Kouyou doesn’t want you anymore? I told you before, didn’t I? You’re going to end up alone. No one is going to love you.”
Those words crushed Aoi, and now he couldn’t bite back his sobs. He was a complete wreck, and he couldn’t even force the words he wanted to say.
“I need to go. Don’t bother me.”
“Saga…I…I ‘m really sorry. I love you, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” It was hard to force those words out, but it was even harder hearing that dial tone. Saga wouldn’t listen. He was really gone.
To be continued~